2007…the year of the goldfish(or rather those with memories of…)

so 2007 had a kinda shitty ending…split up with my partner(as in the one i thought i’d take turns with to wake up in the middle of the night and change the baby’s diapers),then when i finally get the chance to vote…it erupts into fatal chaos!

   So,here we are in the same club as darfur…atleast according to CNN and BBC.I can’t help but wonder why the heck people are tearing each other apart since…apparently we are killing each other and burning babies and their mothers to death in churches for the politicians…yup the very same ones that gave themselves a 1.5 M handshake last year whils most people could barely afford Christmas,the ones that sit on their pot bellied(though not so much these days since they have a gym in iternational house where each MP has his/her own towels with handwoven calligraphic nametags to prove it…great way to spend taxes huh?) arses all day debating issues that are non movers unless of course you’re talking about their  salary increment…a salary i might add is more than the  UK PM’s!!all whilst a large population of this country lives under the poverty line…but no,we’re totally killing other tribes coz apparently we’re soooo forgiving and clearly forgetful not to mention a tad idle and foolish to be taking it out on the wrong side.If i was kenya(which i am but i’m not if you get what i mean)i would burn down all these 1.5 self granting,big house owning,expensive car driving politician houses(not with anyone in em though),and pelt their ars with stones like a university student on strike coz this killing  people in a craze is not really going to sort out anything(apart from a slight decrease in population and an easy means for anyone feeling suicidal…i still wouldn’t wish it on anyone coz there are better ways to go).

The Good news is it can’t get any worse can it?God bless the ever so forgetful,forgiving and foolish Kenya…

no. 1 rule of the con

see,the thing i have to come to realise about Kenyans is that we are a nation of Hope…like say for example the way we all ‘GAVE’ the con people a.k.a pyramid scheme in in my particular case D.E.C.I money  in the hope that not only shall they return it but that they would return it and then some.Ha!!!No. 1 rule of the con…you can’t con an honest person.Because how cons work is when  someone wants something of rnothing and so they are gi ven nothing for something.Yup my mum and i and quite a couple of other kenysn were dupes!Some for the millions and others for less but we were all duped.Yet surprise surprise Kenyans seem to have forgottten and ‘forgiven’?because we are at it again…(well not me as in my mother and i…i’m relieved to say we learnt our lesson)we as in Kenyans….we keep falling for that jargon hence losing any rights whatsoever to the title of  ‘victims’.Ok so apparently Joe Donde(some  politician in Kenya)’s brother was the guy behind D.E.C.I …if he had a screen connected to some kind of nation spread cctv i imagine he’s sat in some lush house somewhere laughing his ass off as he’s on the phne to his accountant.Funny how calm i feel …perhaps because although it was my mum’s money…she wasn’t riding on the hop eof the returns unlike quite a coupe of poor sods who’s lives were utterly devasted after.Does Donde dude give  two shits?nope!then again why should he…no body put a gun to anyones head tellin em to hand over wads of cash.so though i mourn the loss of my darlin mum’s money,to my fellow dishonest kenyans i say…SUCKERS!!!!!!(hope we’ll all know better next time)

p.s its a shame really that no one has sought to join hands wit the other suckers to take Donde dude’s ass to court…i think it would have a shot really…coz that is one heck of some expensive spilt milk!

Of Bows and Arrows

Ok so last week our ‘darling?’ politician Ruto was shot at.Relax,was just a bow and arrow…actually i should take back my attempt at being sarky there as those things are actually quite harmful coz find some cute looking frog with beautiful skin that is bound to be lethal,dip the tip of the arrow in and voila!we’d have had an ex politician in Ruto!sigh why a bow and arrow though?Isn’t it usually associated with an act of cupid?though somehow i doubt that love was the intention when the bow was getting prepped for the shot.Hmmm ihope this doesn’t mean that come elections people will get all violent.Someone once told me kenyans are non violent…which is true to a degree.Ok i don’t think that kikuyus would want to ‘wipe out’ the other tribes as in the rwandan Genocide(may all the souls that perished in that monstrosity rest in peace) but although i was not a direct vicitm of it,there was sabasaba.You remember that election some years back when killing and fighting was strife among our ‘non violent’ people.Besides i’ve learnt from reading some witness accounts that acts of violence are swinging pendulums.Well,i reckon better a bow and arrow than a gun eh?whatever happened to may the best man win?then again is there a best man among the statutory creating and manipulating rogues?

Forget valentines…i’m celebrating catherine howard

On the 13th of February 1542,Catherine Howard the fifth wife of Henry the eighth of England was executed for adultery.Imagine that…the fella musta been sleepin around too but noooo its the girl that gets her head hacked off.(Or shot?)So forget the big hoop tee lah about friggin 14th of February i’m celebrating the 13th of february in support of sista Catherine who lost her life perhaps in persuit of love.(For we all know how the media contorts images so the say adultery i say possibly love…the only one that knows has long since ferterlized England’s soils.So on the 13th of February i celebrate the freedom to love,make love and be loved!Well i got a comment that i seem to be advocating adultery so i decided to edit this thing and clarify myself to the people out there with warped ideas.I’m advocating second possibilities.What i meant to say was that the media contorts things therefore i choose not to believe the media on this one because i thought that maybe…just maybe she was not commiting adultery as such but was in love.I mean,she may have been forced into marriage and later found her true love who she could never ever be with.Call me a hapless romantic but maybe thats what happned…maybe not.Either way i choose to believe it went down that way.So there!!Happy Catherine Howard’s day everyone!!!!

rantings of a pissed of graduate

Well this being my first ever blog i hope my excitement is not crowding my expression. I don’t want this to be another dear aunty thing or sob story blog.I’m just saying! So where was i ?ah yes about to moan about the inadequacies of the job search engines in Kenya. Well i came back with my foreign degree…whooptee-fuckin-doo just to find my self at a cul de sac with nowhere to go and nothing to do bu8t to sign up for another educational course!(can i get a yuck?!)So why am i bitter since joblessness has been like the kitenge in Kenyan society…an accepted trend. Well I’m having to sit here waiting to get signed onto the Kenya school of law after sitting an English proficiency test that comes only once a year because i got a B- in English in KCSE instead of a B.Seriously…Is it just me that sees something wrong with this whole picture? I mean had i known when sitting KCSE that the bozos in KSL would rely on a test done about 6 yrs ago for entry then things would have been different. How the hell did i get a B- in English anyway? Well I’m not just venting more like trying to highlight the dysfunction of the systems in Kenya because if such an institution said to school many a great Kenyan relies on backdated data as part of their entry requirements then really whet the point of the university degree if not to justify the next course? Who the hell ignores university and goes back to high school?Really?Tell me I’m not the only one noticing the gap…nay maybe even the cause of the backwardness of the Kenyan state…it starts from the institutions. The very places meant to school us in moving forward starts by moving back. I find it distasteful and a tad disgusting.